Grief, Loss and Separation"
What is grief?
Grief is the combination of sorrow, strong emotional suffering and the resulting confusion that comes from losing someone important to you.
Stages of Grief
Shock – Shock is the mind’s first line of defense by protecting you from feeling overwhelmed by the magnitude of the event.
Denial – The event of death and loss can feel impossible at first.
Guilt – Guilt comes from the mistaken belief that we could have, or should have, prevented the death or loss from happening.
Sadness – Once the “reactive” emotions have either passed or become more manageable, the basic sadness that accompanies loss moves to the forefront.
Anger – It is common to feel anger toward the person you have lost. Many who mourn feel a sense of abandonment. Others feel anger toward a real or perceived culprit.
Acceptance – This is the mourner’s goal, to accept this tragic event as something that could not have been prevented and cannot be changed. Only with acceptance can you move on with your life.
Additional stages of grief can include emotional release, physical symptoms of stress, panic, depression, loneliness, isolation, inability to renew normal activity and feeling overwhelmed.
The Grieving Process
- Grief is a process, and as a result is not a specific emotion like fear or sadness
- People grieve in their own unique and individual ways
- Each person will grieve at their own pace
- Each response to a loss will be based on all the dynamics the person brings into it.
Children who have suffered through early losses or too frequent or prolonged separations are at greater risk for the following:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Nightmares
- Regression
- Crying and screaming fits
- Refusal to attend school
- Fear of going to bed
- Inability to concentrate
- Attachment and bonding struggles
- Fantasies of the loss never happening
How can we help?
- Be empathetic
- Listen to their story
- Don’t judge
- Tolerate strong emotions
- Don’t take anger personally
- Don’t dismiss their loss
- Collect symbolic items of the relationship with the lost person
- Create a ritual to honor the person lost
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